Emptiness and Engagement

February saw no activity except for the very beginning. Empty month.

I think I had let things boil up to the point of talking to Mark. Maybe after that I ran out of steam, or had no further goals set, or just got lazy or took a break. I don't know how to best describe it.

I'd like to get back into the swing of things, but... what are the things?

I don't know anyone who wants to talk.

I have things I want to say, so maybe I'll start posting again once in awhile, but...

Empty.

If there's no engagement, no direction, things will be a bit empty. Maybe that's just the zeal I picked up with the idea of real exchanges with others. I don't know.

I guess the next thing I talk about could be how people don't want to engage. After all, it'd been dwelling on my mind for awhile. I even had a half-finished rant/post or two about it.

Why engage?

Because I'm a human being, and we go mad if we don't interact.

I don't do a lot of interacting in general. Part of that's my fault. I'm not great at it.

I've given it some time, so maybe I ought to head to church now. I didn't want to do it right away, to force it, but there's been plenty of cooldown.

Maybe I should engage. It's nice, perhaps too nice, of me to not want to break up their Sunday School formula, to not intrude on their unchallenged sanctuary. I still don't want to do it intentionally, but if it's organic, if they seek it out as well, I shouldn't worry over it too much.

It's not just about closure. It's about moving forward. Who am I and what do I want to do next? It's a good question to ask and to consider.