When I stopped going to church, it was no bold and brillant move. I did not challenge the powers that be or question the powers that be not. I squirmed and weaseled my way out, and now, perhaps for the first time, I am regretful.
I am not regretful for leaving. I frankly should have left sooner, but I lacked the will. I am not a strong person, not innately. I am afraid. I am weak. I feared in the faith and I feared in unfaith. I feared telling my parents. But that wasn't anything new. I had trouble telling my parents anything personal. It goes way back in my childhood and I don't understand exactly why.
My fear is pure, natural, innate. I am sensitive, I am reactive. I usually follow leads and I do not like speaking up. Would that I could be led through my entire life, I might have taken the offer up.
I have something else, though, equally pure, equally innate. I have a simple sincerity of nature. At times it has manifested as naivety, at times stubbornness, at times idealism, at times conviction. An inability to lie well, a tendency to trust. It fed the simplicity of my faith, and it feeds the complexity of my doubt.
But I could not tell my parents. I had no practice and no confidence. I had barely begun to flex myself free of the chains of that social system. I did not express doubt to anyone I knew there. I behaved. I played the part. I fit in nicely.
So I left the faith not as Batman, but as Bruce Wayne. I started staying up too late on Saturdays, a habit that came naturally to begin with, and would do my best to sleep through church. When awoken to get ready, I would just lie in bed stubbornly, not answering, until my dad got fed up and just let me be. I didn't do it every week, but sometimes I did, or sometimes I'd just make plans on Saturday.
Eventually they stopped trying to make me go. It wasn't talked about and that was just as well for me. It was completely passive-aggressive, but for people who had never bridged the gap to open discussion with me about my feelings or beliefs, and for someone like me who was (is) nervous, withdrawn and afraid of disappointing, it seemed so daunting, so impossible, to face the direct route.
I never told my church friends why I stopped going. For awhile I still saw a few them, but eventually we just fell out of touch. I never talked to the pastor, my Sunday school teacher, or any of the people who had been influential in my youth. I didn't burn or cross bridges. I just swam the channel, or perhaps floated across like a drowned rat in the still of night.
To this day I have not discussed my atheism with a single person from that church. Hell, I've barely had a few words about it with my dad, and my mom dodges the topic. I daresay she puts my passive-aggressivenss to shame.
As I said, I am now regretful. I feel as though I ran from it all. Well, I did run from it all. I just feel as though, if I could do it all again, I would have fought, pushed, made my mark, spoken my part.
A big part of why I feel that is because now I am raring to go. I know so much more than I did. I am so much more confident in my ideas. I feel this topic is important and I do not like the stratification of ideologies, with Christians off at their churches, and people like me alone or in our own stratified little groups, railing against the other side across a tall fence.
Let it not be said that we're to blame for that fence. Many of us fled with naught but the proverbial clothes on our back from that way of life, while others fought tooth and nail to drag their dignity with them. Let it not be said, either, that our cynicism, mockery, and willfulness, however matched by the other side, has not contributed to that fence as well. Heck, let's just not say anything in that regard.
I wish to discuss, to debate. I wish to plumb the depths of human thought, human reason, human belief, human existence. I wish to test my ideas against those of others, and not while sitting at a machine, but while engaging real people out there, in real settings with real consequences.
That isn't to say that internet dialogue is useless or even inferior. The amount of people who can be reached by videos, blogs, podcasts, articles and archives is extraordinary, and without such things, someone like myself would never have been privy to the subculture of skepticism drawing near to a boil under the tired veneer of faith.
In fact, I would say that the synthesis of real events and digital distribution is the pinnacle of what the internet can bring to the religious debate. I am not so vain as to think I will ever be able to provide any significant contribution to it, but I am driven to do my best. To that end, I will plot my next actions.
At some point, I may try to figure out how to address that church. I may further discuss my feelings on that topic in a future post, or I might go back to talk more about when I stopped going, and when I stopped believing.
Look forward to more posts, either way.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
My YouTube Channel
I am not crazy about making videos. I don't have great tools for the job, can't speak well on a topic without writing out my lines, and don't like putting all the work into it.
I have, however, made a few, and posted them here.
I'll be quick to point out that my mannerisms in videos is more gentle and fair than what's seen in type on this blog. This is because I'm prepared to see some degree of disagreement on YouTube, and would like to have initiated it in a comfortably civil manner. I am not there to burn bridges.
At the same time, I am confident in my views. I am not closed-minded, but I've heard most of it already and I'm not afraid to state my own thoughts while I wait for something better. That's why this place is here: even if no one is listening, I want to say what's on my mind and I have no reason to censor it.
Compare any arrogance or self-righteousness you see in my words to an evangelist or religious leader. I'm not claiming to speak for God. I speak for myself.
The key difference is that of offense vs. defense. This blog is, essentially, offensive. I will criticize anything I feel is worthy of it. My videos are more of an attempt to rebut, and while there is plenty out there to rebut, I am not the best at it, and so many others have already covered a lot of ground.
I feel both offense and defense are an important part of discussion and debate, and that the two see some degree of interchangeability. They are also each more or less appropriate for different environments, and to avoid going down certain roads I'm not suited for, I've leaned in a defensive route on YouTube.
Ultimately, this written format is just what I'm better at, but feel free to subscribe to my YT channel. I will continue to occasionally release videos there, and I hope they will be of some use or interest.
I have, however, made a few, and posted them here.
I'll be quick to point out that my mannerisms in videos is more gentle and fair than what's seen in type on this blog. This is because I'm prepared to see some degree of disagreement on YouTube, and would like to have initiated it in a comfortably civil manner. I am not there to burn bridges.
At the same time, I am confident in my views. I am not closed-minded, but I've heard most of it already and I'm not afraid to state my own thoughts while I wait for something better. That's why this place is here: even if no one is listening, I want to say what's on my mind and I have no reason to censor it.
Compare any arrogance or self-righteousness you see in my words to an evangelist or religious leader. I'm not claiming to speak for God. I speak for myself.
The key difference is that of offense vs. defense. This blog is, essentially, offensive. I will criticize anything I feel is worthy of it. My videos are more of an attempt to rebut, and while there is plenty out there to rebut, I am not the best at it, and so many others have already covered a lot of ground.
I feel both offense and defense are an important part of discussion and debate, and that the two see some degree of interchangeability. They are also each more or less appropriate for different environments, and to avoid going down certain roads I'm not suited for, I've leaned in a defensive route on YouTube.
Ultimately, this written format is just what I'm better at, but feel free to subscribe to my YT channel. I will continue to occasionally release videos there, and I hope they will be of some use or interest.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
"Popeslam", or "The Audacity of Pope"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_LKYKQ4yx0
So, this is pretty cool. I mean, I hope he's not hurt or anything. I want him to stand back up and walk again so he can be tackled in the future.
There is no significant reason to regret incidents like this. I feel about as bad about the Pope's fall as I would to see one drunken fratboy shove another. The Pope is not innocent. To merely inherit that title is to condone the actions of generation upon generation of liars, thieves, murderers, warmongers and agents of fear. To continue the power of the title is to perpetuate ignorance. Organizations that follow blindly depend on authority figures to placate their flock, and there is no authority figure on level with the Pope.
There is also the matter of audacity and of nonsense. The Pope claims to speak for God in a unique and authoritative manner. I would not get far doing this and neither should he. Look at the men who have started spiritual movements in recent history. Most who are of any repute have been selfish, duplicitious, criminal or even dangerous: Joseph Smith, L. Ron Hubbard, Jim Jones, Charles Manson, Shoko Asahara. That others aren't, and manage to spin nonsense in a civil manner, is not by any means to their credit; any decent person could do the same, and none should go unchallenged in their unfounded claims.
Why do we afford this man his glorious castle, from which he proclaims his amateur opinions on world affairs, controversies, epidemics and tragedies? Why are we still haunted by Rome's ghost? It is the power of tradition that keeps men in silly hats and gowns gibbering in a dead language and proclaiming the godhood of fucking crackers. It is for fear of disappointing our parents, or offending our friends, or perhaps of our babies being trapped in Limbo (oh, they've nullified that last one) that we swallow our good sense and shuffle past this writhing body of organized ignorance with bowed head and averted eyes.
I believe we can do so much better than this. Like a theist, I believe this despite a preponderance of evidence otherwise; despite Jesus on our toast in the 21st century, despite Peter Popoff's miracle spring water, and despite the comfortable silence behind which my own family hides from open discourse. I of course bear something not unlike pessimism in tandem with this belief, but I try to believe anyway. It is in essence a calculated risk; it is Pascal's Wager against human stupidity. I believe because I must in order to keep my resolve.
Of course, there are those who get it. They just do not have the numbers and influence to rock this power structure. Until they do, people's money and their hope will still be hijacked by charismatic swindlers with one hand on their Bible and the other busy under the table (taking part in shady exchanges, obviously - whatever else you may have imagined can be credited to so many religious figures doing it.)
I can't bring down Catholicism. I can't make the Pope see his errors. I can't change the world. There's an unending list of things I can't do. What I will do, though, is continue trying to make sense of nonsense. Even if I only talk to myself, I'll continue, because it is the right thing to do. That's my belief.
So, this is pretty cool. I mean, I hope he's not hurt or anything. I want him to stand back up and walk again so he can be tackled in the future.
There is no significant reason to regret incidents like this. I feel about as bad about the Pope's fall as I would to see one drunken fratboy shove another. The Pope is not innocent. To merely inherit that title is to condone the actions of generation upon generation of liars, thieves, murderers, warmongers and agents of fear. To continue the power of the title is to perpetuate ignorance. Organizations that follow blindly depend on authority figures to placate their flock, and there is no authority figure on level with the Pope.
There is also the matter of audacity and of nonsense. The Pope claims to speak for God in a unique and authoritative manner. I would not get far doing this and neither should he. Look at the men who have started spiritual movements in recent history. Most who are of any repute have been selfish, duplicitious, criminal or even dangerous: Joseph Smith, L. Ron Hubbard, Jim Jones, Charles Manson, Shoko Asahara. That others aren't, and manage to spin nonsense in a civil manner, is not by any means to their credit; any decent person could do the same, and none should go unchallenged in their unfounded claims.
Why do we afford this man his glorious castle, from which he proclaims his amateur opinions on world affairs, controversies, epidemics and tragedies? Why are we still haunted by Rome's ghost? It is the power of tradition that keeps men in silly hats and gowns gibbering in a dead language and proclaiming the godhood of fucking crackers. It is for fear of disappointing our parents, or offending our friends, or perhaps of our babies being trapped in Limbo (oh, they've nullified that last one) that we swallow our good sense and shuffle past this writhing body of organized ignorance with bowed head and averted eyes.
I believe we can do so much better than this. Like a theist, I believe this despite a preponderance of evidence otherwise; despite Jesus on our toast in the 21st century, despite Peter Popoff's miracle spring water, and despite the comfortable silence behind which my own family hides from open discourse. I of course bear something not unlike pessimism in tandem with this belief, but I try to believe anyway. It is in essence a calculated risk; it is Pascal's Wager against human stupidity. I believe because I must in order to keep my resolve.
Of course, there are those who get it. They just do not have the numbers and influence to rock this power structure. Until they do, people's money and their hope will still be hijacked by charismatic swindlers with one hand on their Bible and the other busy under the table (taking part in shady exchanges, obviously - whatever else you may have imagined can be credited to so many religious figures doing it.)
I can't bring down Catholicism. I can't make the Pope see his errors. I can't change the world. There's an unending list of things I can't do. What I will do, though, is continue trying to make sense of nonsense. Even if I only talk to myself, I'll continue, because it is the right thing to do. That's my belief.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Merry Christmas
Yes, happy birthday, Jesus. Though you weren't born in December, and you gave no instructions to celebrate your birthday, happy birthday.
Christmas is an adaptation of pagan Winter Solstice festivities into a more Christian form, put together by the Catholics who are notoriously extra-Biblical. Now that we're not an unwashed mass of pagans, the religion has no purpose.
My tolerance of Christmas stems from little more than the fact that I like the colors red and white, enjoy the taste of eggnog and candy canes, and really can't complain too much about free stuff. Everything else about it is nonsense.
Let's see what the Bible says about it. Hello, Jeremiah chapter 10:
2 This is what the LORD says:
"Do not learn the ways of the nations
or be terrified by signs in the sky,
though the nations are terrified by them.
3 For the customs of the peoples are worthless;
they cut a tree out of the forest,
and a craftsman shapes it with his chisel.
4 They adorn it with silver and gold;
they fasten it with hammer and nails
so it will not totter.
This custom is worthless, according to the Bible. I would understand Christians disagreeing if it were just my opinion, but you should really show some more reverence for your own holy book.
Oh, but there's so much more fun stuff about Christmas. Like how God impregnated a woman with his son. Who, apparently, already existed. Or how the Biblical narratives of Christ's birth are incompatible with each other.
And Santa Claus? Come on, too easy. But what makes Santa so unbelievable compared to Jesus? The idea that this man is still around, magically delivering presents after all these years? But no one could live that long and have such fantastical powers and - oh. Hm.
Don't forget, Christians, that Santa Claus is Saint Nicholas of Myra, a late third century bishop. That he has been embellished to be the true meaning of Christmas and to have immortality and magical powers should be an affront to the very core of your religion, let alone that anyone who's not a Catholic should probably be wary of the idea of sainthood.
I can't help but imagine "I guess, but it's not a big deal, I'm secure in my own Christianity" is a common reaction people have to this stuff. And hey, I think that's great. Let's all base our beliefs on what we feel is right, and not what the Bible says.
Like Paul said in 1 Corinthians 4:4, "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me."
So, if you feel good about what you do, you must be on the right track. Oh, wait, Paul is saying the opposite. You could be doing wrong in God's eyes but are too comfortable and unwilling to evaluate your own actions. This complacency, and the resultant indulgence in the traditions of men clearly contradicts God's word.
In Mark 7, Jesus said:
6He replied, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written:
" 'These people honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
7They worship me in vain;
their teachings are but rules taught by men.' 8You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men."
9And he said to them: "You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions!
But like I said, don't worry about it too much. I'm perfectly happy with us ignoring the words of the Bible and doing what we ourselves feel is right. Maybe sooner or later we can start ignoring the Bible completely? After all, it's full of horrible, stupid, hypocritical and outright false things.
Happy Holidays.
Christmas is an adaptation of pagan Winter Solstice festivities into a more Christian form, put together by the Catholics who are notoriously extra-Biblical. Now that we're not an unwashed mass of pagans, the religion has no purpose.
My tolerance of Christmas stems from little more than the fact that I like the colors red and white, enjoy the taste of eggnog and candy canes, and really can't complain too much about free stuff. Everything else about it is nonsense.
Let's see what the Bible says about it. Hello, Jeremiah chapter 10:
2 This is what the LORD says:
"Do not learn the ways of the nations
or be terrified by signs in the sky,
though the nations are terrified by them.
3 For the customs of the peoples are worthless;
they cut a tree out of the forest,
and a craftsman shapes it with his chisel.
4 They adorn it with silver and gold;
they fasten it with hammer and nails
so it will not totter.
This custom is worthless, according to the Bible. I would understand Christians disagreeing if it were just my opinion, but you should really show some more reverence for your own holy book.
Oh, but there's so much more fun stuff about Christmas. Like how God impregnated a woman with his son. Who, apparently, already existed. Or how the Biblical narratives of Christ's birth are incompatible with each other.
And Santa Claus? Come on, too easy. But what makes Santa so unbelievable compared to Jesus? The idea that this man is still around, magically delivering presents after all these years? But no one could live that long and have such fantastical powers and - oh. Hm.
Don't forget, Christians, that Santa Claus is Saint Nicholas of Myra, a late third century bishop. That he has been embellished to be the true meaning of Christmas and to have immortality and magical powers should be an affront to the very core of your religion, let alone that anyone who's not a Catholic should probably be wary of the idea of sainthood.
I can't help but imagine "I guess, but it's not a big deal, I'm secure in my own Christianity" is a common reaction people have to this stuff. And hey, I think that's great. Let's all base our beliefs on what we feel is right, and not what the Bible says.
Like Paul said in 1 Corinthians 4:4, "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me."
So, if you feel good about what you do, you must be on the right track. Oh, wait, Paul is saying the opposite. You could be doing wrong in God's eyes but are too comfortable and unwilling to evaluate your own actions. This complacency, and the resultant indulgence in the traditions of men clearly contradicts God's word.
In Mark 7, Jesus said:
6He replied, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written:
" 'These people honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
7They worship me in vain;
their teachings are but rules taught by men.' 8You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men."
9And he said to them: "You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions!
But like I said, don't worry about it too much. I'm perfectly happy with us ignoring the words of the Bible and doing what we ourselves feel is right. Maybe sooner or later we can start ignoring the Bible completely? After all, it's full of horrible, stupid, hypocritical and outright false things.
Happy Holidays.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Introductions
This blog is being put here to release my unfulfilled desire to combat untruth, ignorance, superstition and misbehavior. I don't know how often I'll use it, and if it will have any effect on the world, but here it is.
I don't have much to write at the moment. These things come in waves. When thoughts come to me, and no one is there to hear them, this is where they'll go.
If anything I write here offends you, or you disagree, good. No one should go life without experiencing dissent. If I'm wrong, show me. Challenge me. I for one welcome whatever truth can be offered. If you are too soft-skinned to do the same, go away. Live your lovely little paradox.
The war of ideas is rigorous but principled. I will not make sexual remarks about your mother, but I'll tell you how crazy, cowardly and ridiculous your, or my own mother is. Keep that in mind and feel free to reply to my posts however you wish.
I'll probably post something later.
I don't have much to write at the moment. These things come in waves. When thoughts come to me, and no one is there to hear them, this is where they'll go.
If anything I write here offends you, or you disagree, good. No one should go life without experiencing dissent. If I'm wrong, show me. Challenge me. I for one welcome whatever truth can be offered. If you are too soft-skinned to do the same, go away. Live your lovely little paradox.
The war of ideas is rigorous but principled. I will not make sexual remarks about your mother, but I'll tell you how crazy, cowardly and ridiculous your, or my own mother is. Keep that in mind and feel free to reply to my posts however you wish.
I'll probably post something later.
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